


Couples Therapy

by IncendiaGlacies



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Attempt at Humor, F/F, F/M, Gen, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-07 00:04:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13422462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IncendiaGlacies/pseuds/IncendiaGlacies
Summary: In which everyone needs help with their relationship (romantic or otherwise) and they all go to the same (arguably terrible) therapist.





	Couples Therapy

**Author's Note:**

> Essentially a crack fic, but I think it’s funny? Much thanks to ams75 for listening to me about this fic and helping out.
> 
> For the record, I am aware that this therapist probably isn't professional. My only knowledge of couples therapy comes from television. But enjoy.

“We don’t really need to be here.”

“Well you’re the one that decided ‘couples therapy’ was necessary for us,” Felicity grumbled to her boyfriend in return, making sure he noticed her air quotes. They were significant.

“I didn’t decide-” Oliver cut himself off and took a deep breath. It probably wouldn’t do them much good if they started arguing so early on in their session. “Thea suggested it, I asked you, and you agreed.”

“Yeah, when do I ever actually mean that? It was in my ‘sure’ voice, you know the one that I also use whenever we have to go see your mother?” Felicity snapped at him.

Oliver sighed again, plastering a smile on his face as he looked at his girlfriend on the couch next to him and then to the therapist sitting in the armchair across from them. “We’re not usually this bad.”

“Of course not,” the therapist responded with a smile and looked back at her phone, “Normally most couples are much worse. It’ll probably take you a good fifteen minutes more to feel comfortable talking with me, I imagine.” She glanced at the clock and started scribbling back in her notebook.

“What are you writing?” Felicity demanded, “Because I mean – we’ve barely even said anything! Like nothing! And this-” she gestured between her and Oliver “-what’s happening here, right now – it’s not an accurate portrayal of our relationship!”

“Oh, no. I’m not writing anything. I was looking at pictures of cats on my phone. I’m trying to see which would be better, a Calico or a Tabby. I was going to make notes on it, but I ended up drawing instead, see?” she picked up her notebook to show them her cat doodle.

“Yes, well that is very impressive,” Oliver cleared his throat and straightened his jacket, “But shouldn’t you be – I don’t know, taking notes on us? Providing commentary, or guidance, or something? I mean, it’s my first time at couples therapy so I’m not entirely sure how it works Doctor-”

“Here’s how it works,” she interrupted him and closed her book, “Your girlfriend doesn’t want to be here. Neither do you by all accounts, most likely you were bribed or blackmailed by your sister to be here. I have a degree in psychiatry and an eidetic memory. It means I’ll remember everything you tell me. So, you don’t need to worry about me scribbling anything down, not that you’ve said anything of importance anyways. Would you like to start now?”

“You must be so much fun to be around,” Felicity replied with a strained smile.

“I win most of the arguments in my house anyways so others might disagree with you there,” the therapist shrugged, “Now, it has been twenty minutes of you two shifting around uncomfortably and fiddling with your thumbs. I don’t particularly care because I get paid either way, but would you like to actually put your last half hour to good use? Why are you here?”

“Felicity is afraid of commitment,” Oliver blurted out.

“Oh my god, I just said I didn’t want to marry you! That does not mean we’re on the rocks!” Felicity yelled at him. She turned back to the therapist, “I just – I don’t see the point of getting married. What we have is great and fine and there is no point in ruining that.”

“You think marriage would ruin your relationship?” the therapist noted.

“No, no, no – you are not about to psychoanalyze me and bring up like my parents’ divorce or some deep seeded daddy issues. I am perfectly fine! Fine!” Felicity insisted.

“I wasn’t going to,” the woman across from Felicity looked at her blankly, “But that does seem like something you should address if it’s the first thing you thought of. Not with me though. So, if it’s not a divorce or your ‘daddy issues’ why is marriage going to ruin your relationship?”

“Look, we tried getting engaged,” Felicity sighed, “And before that he nearly proposed to another girl, Laurel. And we’re not even getting into the numerous girlfriends he had before her!” Beside her, Oliver spluttered in protest.

“Why is it so important for you to be married?” the therapist shot at Oliver.

“If this is about my past relationships-”

“Answer the question. You are the ones that wanted outside help,” she reminded them.

“I love her. Why shouldn’t I want to marry her? I mean that’s a promise, forever. Of course I want that – and her saying no-”

“You think she doesn’t want to be with you forever,” their therapist finished nodding. Oliver shrugged as Felicity shook her head at him.

“No, that’s not true! I do want to be with you! I just don’t want to get married. Oh my god, what if I do have some sort of PTSD from my parents’ divorce and that’s why I’m saying no?” she asked frantically.

The therapist shrugged with a slight pout, “I’ve been told not to psychoanalyze people unless they explicitly fix an individual appointment with me. So that’s a question for another day. I believe we’re done here for now.”

She got up and gestured the couple off the couch. “Wait, but don’t you need to fix us first? I mean clearly our relationship has cracks in it,” Oliver asked worriedly.

“You really don’t get how therapy works, do you? There is no quick fix, it’s not an overnight thing. It’s a process.”

“Yeah, but don’t you need to give us like communication tools like ‘I hear you, I am listening’ all that stuff?” Felicity asked as their therapist badgered them towards the door.

“You two don’t need that. Believe me, I’ve seen much worse. What you need to do is decide what marriage means for each of you because you clearly have differing opinions on what would or would not change in your relationship. So, that’s your homework. Go home, make a list of what you would expect if you were married or unmarried and I’ll see you in a week. Now, I have a really packed day, so out you go!”

“Yeah, but-”

“Bye now! Winn, send in the next one!” with that the door slammed on them. Oliver and Felicity blinked at each other.

“Yeah, that happens,” Winn spoke up from the front desk, “You’ll get used to it. You want to make an appointment for your next visit?”

* * *

 

“So you were recommended to me?”

“Yeah, by my sister? Laurel Lance,” Sara nodded before looking over and elbowing Len in the side to make him sit properly and uncross his arms.

“Ah yes, she was dating the manchild. Her words, not mine,” the therapist shrugged.

“Isn’t there some sort of client – patient confidentiality thing around here?” Sara frowned at her.

“I thought you said you were her sister. Surely, you’ve met her boyfriend. How are they doing?”

“Tommy’s a real class act,” Len finally spoke up, “Old money. Knows how to spend it and have a good time. I can respect that.”

“You two need to stop having guys’ night so often,” Sara snorted at him. She turned back to the therapist, “They’re doing good. Clearly, whatever relationship advice you gave them worked. So we figured we’d give it a try too.”

“You decided. Not me,” Len reminded her somewhat harshly.

“You know, one day I should conduct a study on which couples decided on therapy as a joint effort and which ones had one partner that was ‘forced’ to be there. And the progress they made, the results could be fascinating, don’t you think?”

Leonard glared at the therapist in response. She simply shrugged and looked back at her notes. So far, Calico seemed to be winning out over a Tabby cat.

“Right, well you let us know how that goes,” Sara rolled her eyes, “Now can we get back to us?”

“If you like,” the therapist shrugged, “Your boyfriend’s the one that’s been derailing the conversation for the past twenty minutes. Not me.” Sara glared at Len again who simply shrugged in response. “So what’s brought you in today?”

“I’m about to introduce Len to my father for the first time,” Sara started.

“A very important relationship milestone,” the therapist commented.

“And well, it’s a little-”

“She’s worried I’ll make a terrible first impression,” Len drawled.

“Yeah, basically,” Sara nodded in confirmation.

“That’s a perfectly normal response, you felt the need to come to therapy for this?” Sara stared blankly at the therapist until she sighed, “Alright then, what are you worried about?”

“Len’s a thief. And my dad’s a cop. You do the math,” Sara stated bluntly.

“A former petty thief. I did my time in juvie and now I’m a reformed man,” Len corrected.

“Is that why you stole the decorative tortoise from the side table?” their therapist asked, pointedly looking at the empty space. Len sighed and upended his pockets, placing said tortoise back on the table, giving her a dirty look as he did so. “Thank you,” she responded icily, “Alright, so what do you want me to do about this?”

“Fix him!” Sara gestured at Len.

“I don’t think I can fix kleptomania in a matter of days. Even I’m not that good.”

“Hours,” Sara corrected, “Dinner’s tonight.”

“My, you certainly waited until the last minute for this.”

“Laurel’s the responsible one, not me.”

“Fine,” the therapist sighed at them. She tore out a page from her notebook and scribbled something onto it before handing the page to Sara. Then she got up and headed towards the door, “I can’t fix him in an hour. And even then, that’s individual therapy that he’d have to sign up for on his own because he wants to be there otherwise there would be no results. But that’s the number for Antonia’s if you want to make a reservation. It’s a good restaurant you can take your father to. That way, if your boyfriend plans on stealing something it will be something of value, and at least your father will have had a decent meal.”

“You can vouch for this place?” Len smirked as they exited the door.

“Of course I can. Granted, I’m not allowed back in there. But that’s another story,” the therapist waved off, “Winn, they’re finished! He’s going to need to come back for individual therapy in a couple of weeks. And Len? Please do return Winn’s pen as well? He’s rather fond of it.”

* * *

 

“You know, I just really feel like there is a communication barrier between us,” Iris continued in her monologue, “And I’m worried that this distance we have is only going to get bigger and our marriage is not going to survive that.”

“Iris – we are the golden couple,” Barry put a hand on her leg, “We can survive anything. Don’t say that!”

Iris shook her head and turned back to the therapist, “Well, what do you think?”

“You said this was an emergency on the phone.”

“It is!” Iris insisted, “Our engagement could very well be hanging by a thread.”

“Wait, what?” Barry turned and looked at her, “When did that happen?”

“I cancelled my lunch plans for this!” their therapist scolded them.

“And we are so very grateful that you did,” Iris assured her, “Do you think there is something you can do to help us?”

“Help you,” she repeated. She closed her notebook and eyed them carefully, “Well first of all, there is no chasm between you two, if anything you’re probably too close.”

“You know, we did start working together recently,” Barry mentioned offhandedly.

“Yeah, but things have been going fine. I mean, mostly fine. There might have been a few hiccups, overstepping of toes,” Iris admitted sheepishly.

“Right, well communication wise, you’re fine. But for goodness sake, get some space.”

“Space? But we’re getting married. And she’s the love of my life,” Barry looked forlorn at the thought.

“Oh dear, no, I didn’t mean space as in break up,” she quickly backtracked. “No, get married. Be happy. But try and spend some time apart. Codependency is only cute in the movies, it’s not healthy in real life. Just take a few steps back,” the therapist advised.

“A few steps back, like what?” Iris asked unsurely.

“Go to lunch with different people. See a movie alone if it’s something the other doesn’t enjoy. Be sure of who you are before committing yourself to someone else. Spend the day apart and then by all means go out to dinner at night. It’ll work wonders for your relationship. Now, try that for the next week and I’ll see you next time.”

“That’s it?” Barry asked as they were ushered to the door.

“Why does everyone ask that? I am efficient; I also still have fifteen minutes of my lunch break that I fully intend on using. And, Iris – for goodness sake, just get a wedding planner. All that stress is probably getting to you and causing all this to happen, okay?”

“Alright then. Space and wedding planner, we can do that. Right, Babe?” Iris turned to Barry.

“Of course we can,” Barry smiled before kissing his fiancé.

Winn watched as they walked out together in harmony, “Aww, don’t they just make the sweetest couple?”

“Incredibly,” his boss agreed, “Winn, remind me to never get married.”

“And I was so looking forward to wearing a suit,” Winn teased.

“Shut up.”

“Gotcha, Boss.”

* * *

 

“I’m not complaining, it’s just that when most people sign up for the couples therapy, well it’s just that they’re a couple in the romantic sense.”

“So you don’t think you can help us?” Martin asked. Beside him, young Jefferson was glaring at the older man. Ah, the typical stubbornness of youth.

“Oh, I’m sure I can. I handle all types from family to couples to individual needs. Most people’s problems all usually boil down to the same essence anyways,” she waved off.

“Ah, excellent. I’m somewhat ashamed to say it took me this long to think of this solution. In fact, I didn’t. My daughter, Lily, she suggested we come in for a session. She reminded me of how my wife, Clarissa, and I attended marriage counseling in our early years. I convinced Jefferson here that it would be worth a try,” Martin said.

“My name is Jax,” the younger man corrected with a nod to the therapist, “Grey’s the only one that calls me Jefferson. Everyone else calls me Jax.”

“And he is your professor?” the therapist confirmed, “For your PhD track?”

“Yes, we are working on the Firestorm Matrix. If we can make it work then the results would-”

“Grey, don’t bore the lady,” Jax interrupted with a roll of his eyes, “He’s always doing this. Everything is always ‘astonishing’ or ‘miraculous’ or something else.”

“Oh, well I am sorry I don’t use the casual jargon youths these day use. ‘What’s up buddy boy?” Martin mocked him.

“Don’t you start, and never do that again,” Jax warned.

“Alright,” the therapist raised her voice with a stern look, “I think I’m starting to understand what’s happening here.”

“He treats me like a kid. All the time,” Jax complained.

“Jefferson, you are younger than my own daughter,” Martin reminded him. Then he turned back to the therapist across from them, “Besides, I wouldn’t have to treat him as a child if he didn’t constantly have such a blatant disregard for his own safety and life. Honestly, those street races are dangerous.”

“Hey, Wally and I own those circuits,” Jax pointed out.

“Yes, I’m sure you do,” Martin rolled his eyes, “Still dangerous. And Wallace’s advisor Dr. Wells would agree with me. And not to mention what your mother would think.”

“Keep my mom outta this!” Jax all but yelled. He turned to the woman, “Look, just make him stop being so in my business.”

“Or perhaps impose on him the idea to stop having such a cavalier regard for his life,” Martin suggested.

“I’ll decide how to do my job, thank you very much,” the woman replied harshly to the both of them.

“So what are you gonna do?” Jax asked pointedly.

“I think we should start with some listening exercises,” she responded with a smile. Jax rolled his eyes and huffed in response.

“Don’t close yourself off so quickly, Jefferson. It could be worth a try,” Martin insisted.

“Man, if I wanted cliché movie advice, I would have queued up a Netflix movie to give us therapy,” Jax said, “Might as well have asked us ‘how does that make you feel’ or something.”

“Oh maybe I’ll spend the night in with Netflix instead. Have any good suggestions? It’s getting to be a very long day,” the therapist rambled on. “If it works for the movies, give it a try here. Life imitates art, after all.”

“I’m fairly certain it’s the other way around,” Martin corrected.

“Whose office is this? Who has the psychiatric degree? It is what I said it is,” the woman glowered, “Now listening exercises. It will help with boundaries because clearly you two have different viewpoints on what your relationship should consist of. So let’s give these a try, shall we?”

Jax exchanged a look with Martin. Might as well appease their crazy shrink. He shrugged, “Alright then, can’t hurt, I guess.”

“Excellent,” she grinned at them.

* * *

 

“I still don’t understand what the problem is. Can you repeat it one more time? From the beginning.”

Zari sighed, controlling her anger so she didn’t yell at the annoying therapist. She gritted her teeth, “I told you, she has too many animals.”

“I don’t have that many,” Amaya reasoned calmly.

“How many is too many?” the therapist asked for clarification.

“A couple of cats, maybe a dog or two. Just the usual,” Amaya shrugged.

“Two cats – one of which is about to have a litter, two dogs, a parrot that never shuts up, the fish tank, a tortoise that never moves, and the rabbit who’s about to give birth to more baby bunnies,” Zari detailed.

“And this is a problem?” the therapist repeated herself.

“Yes!” Zari threw her hands up in frustration.

“I’m sorry, I’m just not seeing what the problem here is,” the so-called doctor shrugged in response.

“Our house is like a zoo. There are just too many animals and she doesn’t listen to me about it,” Zari explained.

“I gave the third dog up for adoption because you asked me to,” Amaya reminded her, “Besides, I’m a vet, Zari. What do you want me to do? You know I love animals, you’ve known this forever. You said you were fine with it.”

“And I am,” Zari assured and put a hand over her girlfriend’s to try and remove the distraught look on her face, “I am, to a certain extent.”

“So your problem with the animals, are you allergic to them?” the therapist interrupted.

“No,” Amaya answered for Zari, “I specifically never brought home any gerbils because she’s allergic. Or any snakes or lizards because they freak her out. Same with spiders.”

The therapist nodded along and looked back at Zari, “Did you have a traumatizing experience with one of these animals as a child?”

“What? No!”

The counselor shrugged, “It seems to be the running theme of the day to blame problems on past trauma. So not allergic, no trauma, why don’t you explain a little more about what it is about animals that bothers you? Assuming it’s not because you are a soulless human being of course.”

“Look,” Zari sighed at Amaya, “When we moved in together, and you said you wanted to rescue strays and help them get better and find a home, I was completely for it. Except you ended up keeping half of them and buying even more. It’s just too much stress to deal with. I like animals, but I can’t deal with that many all the time.”

“So it’s the number of animals,” the therapist clarified.

“Yeah, I mean I guess,” Zari shrugged, “If it was just one dog and a fish or something, that’d be fine. But nobody has this many.”

“I guess I might have gone a little overboard with the saving the animals streak I have,” Amaya admitted sheepishly.

“No, I mean I love that about you. The amount of compassion you have for the creatures. It’s breathtaking,” Zari gazed at her girlfriend.

“Before you two get too comfortable and start making out on my couch, let’s talk about steps going forward, shall we?” the therapist interrupted their intense staring session.

Zari looked away and muttered under her breath as Amaya laughed at her and cleared her throat. “Right, well, I suppose we can go down on the number of animals we have. I don’t want you to feel like I don’t listen to you, or respect your opinions. I want you to be comfortable in your own home, I love you.”

“I love you too,” Zari nodded back, “So you’re alright with putting some of the pets up for adoption?”

“Yeah, I mean that was the plan after all. Might as well follow through with it,” Amaya said.

“Excellent,” their therapist cheered. She got up from her armchair suddenly and squeezed in on the couch between the two of them, pulling out her phone for Amaya. “Sorry,” she belatedly apologized to Zari before turning back to Amaya, “You seem like a person who knows and loves animals pretty well. What do you think, Calico or Tabby cat?”

Amaya laughed at her sudden exuberance as Zari ended up answering, “You know we actually have a Tabby that’s about to have a litter of kittens. I’m sure we could give you one?”

“Oh really?” the therapist breathed wide-eyed. Amaya simply nodded with a smile. “Oh brilliant, thank you! Now come on then, let’s get you set up with Winn for another appointment. What do you say in two weeks time?”

She grabbed their hands and led them out the door to Winn’s desk, “This lovely couple is doing excellently. Won’t need to see them for a while. And they’re giving me a kitten!” She grinned at him before heading back to her office.

“Well that should be fun,” Winn commented with a smile, “I don’t suppose you have a puppy available too?”

* * *

 

“So how does this work? I mean do we just start telling you our problems? I’ve just – I’ve never done this before,” Ray rambled on.

“Yes. That is normally how these things work,” the therapist nodded at him, “I must say, I’m already pleasantly surprised. Most people have a hard time admitting they need help, or able to open up at first. Especially not both people in the relationship.”

“Aw, well that’s great, right?” Ray looked at his girlfriend.

“Yeah, Ray and I have always shared similar views. It’s why we work so well together,” Kendra nodded along.

“Well then, what seems to be the problem?”

Kendra eyed Ray before sighing and dropping her head, “Well, we want to move forward in our relationship. Be more serious with each other.”

“Well that’s always a nice thought to have,” their therapist nodded.

“Yeah, except it’s kind of hard sometimes. See, we both had previous relationships and they were important. So it’s kinda hard to move on,” Ray explained.

“How so?”

“Ray was engaged once. And his fiancé died. And now he thinks he wants to marry me,” Kendra said.

“I don’t think that. I do want to marry you. We’ve been together for two years and I know I love you,” Ray replied.

“He seems rather sure of himself. Are you not?” their therapist asked.

Kendra sighed again, “It’s not that. I love him – you – I love you, Ray. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But my previous relationships, they didn’t end so well. I mean first Vandal Savage was obsessed with me-”

“Isn’t that the man who was on trial for stalking various women?” the therapist asked worriedly.

Kendra nodded in response, “Yeah, that’s him. And my boyfriend at the time, he became super protective. A little possessive. We got engaged, but at the end of it I realized I didn’t want that kind of a relationship. So I called it off. And he still seems to think of me as his soulmate.”

“Carter is essentially a good guy,” Ray defended, “It’s just that sometimes he can be overbearing. And doesn’t know his boundaries.”

“And it’s interfering with your current relationship?” the therapist asked. Kendra nodded so she continued, “And are you conflicted? Do you wonder whether you should be with Ray or with Carter?”

Ray looked at his girlfriend worriedly, swallowing the lump in his throat. He knew he fell fast and hard, and he had lost loves before. But he wasn’t entirely sure he could go through it again. “No,” Kendra shook her head, “I mean sometimes, I do remember the good times with Carter. I’ll admit, there was a time when I thought we were meant to be, that he was some sort of savior to me. But I also love being with Ray. He treats me like his equal, respects me, doesn’t treat me like some sort of object.” The couple smiled lovingly at each other.

“Alright then,” the therapist tore out another page from her notebook, scribbling something on it and handing it to Kendra, “Here you are.”

“Is this your number? Don’t people usually have business cards?” Kendra frowned.

“No dear, that’s the number for the police,” the therapist corrected. “Normally, I’d suggest straight up calling 911, but I don’t think you would classify this as an emergency unfortunately.”

“Why do we need the police?” Ray asked unsurely.

“To report your ex-boyfriend. And get a restraining order against him. The only way you’re going to continue in your relationship – and as a healthy individual – is to cut this toxic man out of your life. Alright? Good, time’s up anyways.”

“But wait,” Ray asked as they were pushed to the door, “Don’t we need to like talk about what our assignments for the week are? What we should work on or see you again?”

“Your assignment is to call the police,” the therapist repeated, “Your relationship is perfectly fine, you communicate wonderfully. Pretend I said whatever other platitudes you want and be on your way.”

“But-”

“Police first. Once you’ve done that, then you can come back and schedule another appointment with me. Can’t help you otherwise. Next!”

* * *

 

“This was a mistake.”

“Everyone always says that whenever they’re not ready to talk,” the therapist nodded and smiled encouragingly.

“No, you don’t understand. We really shouldn’t be here,” Cisco repeated.

“We didn’t realize this was couples therapy,” Caitlin explained further.

“Harry tricked us! I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him,” Cisco complained angrily, “I made too many jokes. It’s my own fault.”

“Well you are the one that said yes,” Caitlin agreed far too easily. Cisco shot her a wounded look, she raised her hands in surrender. It was still true.

“So when you say you’re not supposed to be here,” the therapist prodded.

“We’re not together. Romantically, I mean. We’re best friends. But like, only friends,” Cisco stumbled over his words as Caitlin nodded along.

“And our friend – well, coworker – he tricked us into coming here,” Caitlin explained, “See, there was this prank war going on in the office and one thing led to another.”

“And you both somehow ended up in couple’s counseling,” the therapist finished. Caitlin nodded in confirmation.

“Anyways, if that’s all, we should really get going,” Caitlin decided and grabbed her purse while standing up.

“Now wait a second,” the other woman stopped her, “You’re both my last appointment for the day. And you still have almost the whole hour left.”

“Well we’re not going to stay,” Cisco laughed unconvincingly, “We never meant to come here.”

“And yet you both walked into my office rather than cancelling with Winn at the front. Yes, makes perfect sense,’ she responded sarcastically.

“Hey there, lady!” Cisco raised a finger at her, which Caitlin immediately batted away, a lecture on the tip of her tongue about politeness. Cisco huffed and continued, “We only walked in because – I was waiting for Caitlin to realize where we ended up. I thought her reaction would be hilarious. I didn’t mean to get actual therapy out of this.”

“I mean, I’m an actual doctor,” Caitlin said, “Not that you’re not one. I just mean I’m one too, and so is my mother. Believe me, I’ve had enough therapy growing up.”

“And yet here you are,” the therapist repeated. She looked through her notes and back at them, “Your session is already paid for. You might as well stay. One of my patients is giving me a cat, what do you think about names? Molly? Or maybe Simon for a boy? Or we could go gender neutral – Shadow? Mist? Are those too hippie?”

Cisco stared at the woman blankly, “You – you are an actual licensed therapist, right?” He wandered over to the wall where her degree was displayed, “I mean that’s not a fake? Not something you just printed out and stuck on the wall?”

“Of course, it’s real,” the therapist answered nonchalantly, “Now, sit back down already. If you don’t want to help me with my problems, then I suppose we can work on yours. I suppose that is what normally happens after all.”

“We told you, we don’t have any problems!” Cisco groaned before taking a seat next to Caitlin who was back on the couch.

“And yet you are ‘accidentally’ in couples therapy, even though you’re not a ‘couple’.”

“What is with the air quotes?” Cisco demanded.

“It does seem slightly excessive,” Caitlin commented.

“I like to get my point across. Now, why aren’t you two together?” she asked and turned to a new page in her notebook.

Cisco started spluttering, “How is that even relevant?”

“Well clearly there’s something here otherwise your friend wouldn’t have sent you to me.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be a therapist? Not some weird matchmaker?” Caitlin asked confused.\

“I do it all really,” the therapist shrugged with a wink and a smile, “Now, let’s get started. From the beginning. How did you two meet? And how did that make you feel?”

* * *

 

“Knock, knock,” Rip rapped at the open door before closing it behind him and looked at the therapist working at her desk.

“Mr. Hunter, I wasn’t expecting you,” she commented while glancing at her papers, “Winn said my appointments were done for the day so I sent him home.”

“Ah, well I suppose I’m a walk-in then?” he asked before wandering over to the couch and taking a seat.

She watched him with a slight smile, “Oh, and what is it that’s bothering you today? Do you want to discuss your ex-wife, and any lingering feelings you may have for her? Planning on winning her back perhaps?”

Rip snorted at her, “Hardly, don’t even joke. No, in fact I’d much rather discuss my current girlfriend.”

The therapist sighed with a slight grumble and grabbed her notebook before heading over to her armchair, “What about her?”

“Well, she can be a little absentminded at times,” Rip started flippantly.

“Plenty of people are.”

“Sometimes it’s like she’s barely even paying attention to me,” Rip looked at her pointedly.

Sheepishly she stopped doodling in her notebook and put it aside to face him properly, “I’m sure that’s not true. Besides, if she’s as terrible as you say then I don’t see why you don’t just break up with her.”

“Do you give all your clients such terrible relationship advice?” Rip asked incredulously.

“It’s not bad advice! It’s practical.”

“I’m not breaking up with you, Gideon,” Rip rolled his eyes at her. He was mostly certain she was joking, but he could never be entirely sure with Gideon. “I’m madly in love with you in case you’ve forgotten that bit.”

“Ah yes, well I suppose there’s that too,” Gideon shrugged, “As much as I’m in love with you too, why are you here if you don’t actually want relationship advice?”

“I thought we both agreed that you’re never allowed to psychoanalyze our relationship anyways? Or my previous marriage.” Rip reminded her sternly, “I’m here because someone got carried away with work and cancelled our lunch date.”

“It’s been a very busy day,” Gideon pointed out, “But good news, we are getting a kitten!” She grinned and joined him on the couch, shoving her phone in his face to show him the pictures.

“We’re getting a kitten,” Rip repeated blankly as he took the phone, “When was this decided exactly?”

“Today,” Gideon admitted meekly, “But I did my research, alright? I had it narrowed it down to a Calico or a Tabby anyways and then one of my patients was going to give her soon to be kittens up for adoption. It was meant to be, Rip.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be listening to people’s problems?” Rip asked uncertainly.

Gideon gave him an unimpressed look, “I can multitask. Besides, I remember everything that people say.”

“Yes, I know,” Rip groaned, “Makes arguing with you a lot harder.”

“Because I’m always right and you know it.”

Rip laughed and shook his head at her. Once he sobered he said, “I’m not entirely sure we’re ready for a kitten just yet. They’re a lot of work.”

“I know they are. But I also think we’re at the point in our relationship where we can handle the extra responsibility,” Gideon told him kindly and logically. She tucked her head against his shoulder and looked up at him, “I’ll let you name it if you like?”

Rip hummed to himself before looking down at her, “You fight dirty.” Gideon simply smiled up at him. He sighed, “Alright, fine. We’ll get the kitten.”

“Yay! Thank you!” Gideon pulled him in for a kiss. Rip happily returned it, moaning as it deepened and found himself somewhat lonely when she pulled away suddenly. “Thank you,” Gideon repeated herself softly, “I love you, a lot.”

“I love you too,” Rip responded easily. He cleared his throat and pulled her off the couch then, “Done here?”

Gideon glanced at her desk, “I have a lot of paperwork to fill out. Winn always likes to schedule all the newbies on one day if he can. Easier to get them all out of the way with all their incessant doubts and questions.”

“I’m sure,” Rip smiled good-naturedly. Gideon was an acquired taste; that much was for sure. But there was a method to her madness, Rip had learned. Whatever she did worked for people. “Well pack it up and let’s get out of here,” he told her.

“You’re certainly in a rush to get home. Are you making dinner tonight?” Gideon asked as she finished shoving the last paper into her file folder.

“Well it’s not like you ever do,” Rip quipped. He quirked a smile at her scowl and held out a hand for her things. Gideon happily handed him the file folder before grabbing her purse and keys. He wrapped an arm around her waist and urged her to the door as he explained, “Actually, I was thinking we’d go out tonight. Since our lunch date got jostled about.”

“Oh we could go to Antonia’s!” Gideon said excitedly as she locked her office door.

“No, you know perfectly well we’re not going back there,” Rip said in no uncertain terms.

“Oh come on, it wasn’t my fault!” Gideon pouted.

“You told the waiter that it was no wonder his wife was leaving him given his lack of self-confidence and sloppy appearance,” Rip said.

“It was an inference. How was I supposed to know I was correct?” Gideon huffed. Rip gave her a pointed look which made her cross her arms and begrudgingly admit, “Alright, so it might have been partially my fault. But I did offer counseling, couples or otherwise. It’s not like I caused the divorce.”

“No, you just reminded him of it,” Rip rolled his eyes. He tugged Gideon to his side as they began walking out, “Most divorcees don’t like to be reminded about said divorce or their exes.”

“Fair point. Does this mean I have to stop teasing you about your ex-wife?”

“No, you can keep doing that if you like,” Rip allowed, “Although, it would be nice if you cancelled the weekend shopping trips with her. Normal people don’t do that.”

“Who in their right minds would classify me as normal?” Gideon asked jokingly.

Rip laughed with her, “Good point. I love all your little quirks though, it’s what makes you, you.”

Gideon smiled at him, “Thank you.”

Rip squeezed her in a side hug, “Now then, dinner. I’ll find us somewhere amazing. You look like you’ve had a long day.”

“People just don’t understand my kind of genius,” Gideon insisted, “They’d be lost without me and they don’t even know it.”

"Aren’t you glad someone does?" he asked with a smile as he pulled her in for a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> I have too much fun with these ridiculous ideas...


End file.
